you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
