as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
