I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
