Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I could fuck to npr.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
