did i walk over a car last night?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sorry my hands just texted you
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
