Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize