No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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