so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
