ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
