yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
