dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
