Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
