Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
