i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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