you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
