when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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