she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
