direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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