your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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