I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
