I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
