i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
