I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
