I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
