I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
