I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
