i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
