speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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