My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
