don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
