I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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