I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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