He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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