you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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