someone threw a dead crab at me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
