Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
