Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
