I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize