what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
