I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
