I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
