New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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