What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
