Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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