I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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