I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize