I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
