why didn't you poke me back
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
