Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
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