3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
