dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
