Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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