thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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