dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
