Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I cut my penus on the lid.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
