The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
