Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
