honey bunches of taint.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize