where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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