I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
