you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize