9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
