I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
