I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
