absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
