he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
