your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
