Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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