I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
