I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
