i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
