I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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