I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
