At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize