Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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