Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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