i don't like sucking hair
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
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