Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
