Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
