But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
