what day is it and did you see me today?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
