Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
