i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
