Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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