Screwed.edu
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
