and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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