He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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